The Descent Part 2

OMG!!! How freaking exciting is this?! I was a huge fan of the first Descent so when I was wandering around on my streaming Netflix (which is also freaking cool) and I saw a part two I nearly peed my pants. I was hesitant because squeals are often done by the 2nd assistant crew with C grade actors but I gave it a shot.
If you haven't seen the first one I recommend it. My hubby has renamed it "Chicks with Picks." Essentially a group of gal pals head to the mountains for some good ol' fashioned cave diving. As a closeted claustrophobic the beginning of the movie was the scariest. However creepy cave people/things was the true plot and plenty of blood and excitement later it turned out to be one of my favorite horror films. The Descent part 2 picks up right were #1 left off. They use the same characters and follow along the plot nicely. There are some exciting twists that would give it away if I went into it. What I appreciated about it was that the movie truly was a 'part 2' rather than just a '2'. It wasn't retelling a new story but finishing the first story. That's a rare thing these days. I can't say this one was as good as the first, but I can confidently say it was a great follow up and totally worth watching if you enjoyed the first. The gore level is fantastic, there's blood, guts and even some poop. Scripting, well you're in a cave, what would you really have to say? Cinematography...pretty good. I would take points away for how fakey the rocks looked this time. Lastly, this one left of with a big 'huh'? That says to be me we can expect a Part 3!!! Overall I give it a B.

Saw News

So, I know that the final Saw came out on the 29th and you can count on me seeing it this week. In honor of it, I have watched Saw 1 thru 5 this week and will watch 6 before I watch 7 so I can give you a review of the series as a whole. How exciting!

My Soul to Take

I love Wes Craven. I don't necessarily love every movie he's done, but I really respect what he has done in the horror genre. On a side note, when I worked in Hollywood his office was below where I worked. I was fortunate enough to share the elevator with him several times. And no, I never talked to him. But thanks for rubbing salt into the wound that is my shyness.
My Soul to Take is about the supposed 'energy' of a mad man being transferred into any of the children born in this town the night the mad man dies. So these 8 kids get together every year on their birthday to gather at the spot the guy died and try to scare the pee out of each other. On their 16th birthday celebration it works (not the pee part) and they are all creeped out the whole day. As it turns out it's with good reason as they each start being chased down and killed. Ultimately I really can't share much more as it would give it away and that's no fun and truly not really that important.
Here is a lesson I learned. If a high school football player is pressuring you into oral sex on your walk home from school. Don't agree to it and tell him to follow you into the woods in ten seconds so that you can actually begin running for your life from him. A) this angers the hormone driven teenager B) this alerts the nearest killer that you are scared, running and alone in the woods. Killers can't resist that.
This movie had tons-o-blood which I raise my glass to. There was a scene that just showed the girls dangling shoes (yes...she was the runner addressed above) with blood pouring down onto them like a hose that needs one more twist. It lasted probably 2 minutes...impressive.
The characters in the movie where pretty cool. The main guy and his best friend had great dialogue and I liked the way each one panned out at the end. This is where Craven's talent really shows.
All in all this film gets a B. It wasn't super scary but it did have lots of gore and good dialogue.

Devil

I'm sure you've heard mixed things about this film. For some it was a gross waste of time, for others it was terrifying and for those like me it was just ok. M. Night Shyamalan seems to be like coconut...you either like it or you don't. I'm impressed that he has created enough of a name for himself that people can distinguish his movies. That says something in the cluster of films that are out there with directors whose names your don't know.
So, plot...hmmmm. It's different than the typical slasher/horror film. He gets a point for that. However he uses the whole "I bet you can't guess who's doing it" to the extreme. Literally you have 5 people in an elevator and every time the lights go out some one dies. So really how much of a who done it is it?
The gore factor was pretty good in this one. There is enough blood and it is creepy that there is a stack of bodies on the elevator floor.
Outside of the elevator the police, FBI and maybe even the circus are trying to get these people out so if you're thinking that you don't want to sit and watch the inside of an elevator for an hour your safe.
Finally, I don't really love the weird religious tones that Shyamalan puts at the end of some of his movies and this was no exception. It's just weird. You've sat and watched people get slashed and strangled and then he wants me to switch gears and think about forgiveness. It just didn't work for me. So having said all of that...I think the final rating for this movie is a C.

Teeth

Um, I loved this film. There it is, I've said it. Once you read on you may call me a feminist harpy but I can handle it.

Teeth is the story of a young girl who is an inspiration in the world of promise rings. She has vowed to remain pure and honestly intends to. It isn't until she finds herself in a compromising situation where we once again learn the importance of 'no means no' that we discover her hidden talent. That's right...I'm going to call it a talent. Her good china is all set up with it's own set of teeth. Yep, her cha cha has it's own set of chompers. Her hoo ha is....I think I've run out of them. He runs off screaming while his Nathan's Original stays on the ground. So, as any smart person would do she decides to go to a gynecologist who makes the tragic mistake of taking advantage of her and finds his fore digits (and I actually mean his digits this time) on the floor.

I don't want to give it all away, but she does learn to control her 'talent'. She kind of goes from a pure virgin to a whorish man stick eater. That was just fun to type.

The movie did a really good job of mixing a good story with something weird while making it funny enough that you keep watching. She has a complete switch of personality and it's a fun journey that you take with her. I feel like there was a lot of subtle imagery that's fun to analyse and the acting was pretty good. So, I proudly give this film an A, and not just because her hot pocket kicks ass.

The Last Exorcism

The Whores got together this week and went to The Last Exorcism. It actually got decent reviews and there hadn't been a good horror out in a while.
The movie is shot as if a documentary crew of 2 people is following around a preacher. So be warned that if the whole hand held camera thing makes you ill, this isn't the movie for you. Cotton, the preacher, is the subject of the documentary and he is a great preacher and exorcist that doesn't really believe in God or the Devil anymore. He acknowledges that he simply has a talent for showmanship and wants to reveal the illusion that an exorcism is.
He goes out to a farm where the daughter is killing all of the livestock. To summarize quickly he fakes an exorcism everyone is happy. Girl gets worse, everyone is scared. Girl bends backward and talks weird, everyone is like 'huh?'. Preacher calls in local pastor to take over, blah blah blah, last minute twist and we're out.
The best word to describe the film was 'frustrating'. It had a lot of potential that it ultimately didn't live up to. the first two thirds of the movie focuses on Cotton and his life. It's only in the last third of the movie that anything scary happens. The twist at the end literally takes place in the last 10 minutes and just leaves you feeling more 'huh' than 'wow'. And you know that cool shot you see in the previews or even in the poster I have attached with all of her joints bent backwards...never happens. There is only one good possessed scene and I was bummed that it didn't include any vomit or inappropriate crucifix usage.
When I asked a fellow Horror Whore their thoughts on it the next day, she said "it wasn't scary enough and there wasn't enough blood." Then we remembered that it was only PG-13 and that is typically a Whore no-no. I must remind you though that Paranormal Activity was able to work with that.
OK, focus...so in short...it just wasn't nearly as scary as it had the potential to be. The cinematography wasn't special, the sound wasn't great. I give it a rating of C- because at least it was entertaining.

Thoughts for the evening

I'm pretty happy that I just updated the whole look of the blog. It was time. I wanted to address really quickly some elements that a horror film do make.
First there is the gore factor. This is often what draws the line between thrillers and horrors. Example: I had a friend that hates horror films ask if she could tag along if the Horror Whores went to see 'Wolfman'. If it's not bloody enough to scare off the usual crowd then it's just a thriller and should be skipped and scoffed at. Then you should point and laugh like you are cool because you enjoy seeing someone eviscerated.
Second there is a nudity factor. I can't tell you why but if there isn't a boob shot it probably isn't a horror movie. Is this a step back for feminism? Probably, but it's the law of the land. There are exceptions like one of my favorites 'The Decent' but they are few and far between.
Third the rating factor. If the film isn't rated 'R' then it's not really a horror. It may be scary and good but it's probably not really a horror film. Note: this doesn't mean it's not scary, take 'Paranormal Activity' for example.
Last (for now) is the ending. Horror films shouldn't end exactly happy. You can't put all of the body parts in a box and put a pretty little bow on it and try to sell that as an ending. People are dead, families pulled apart, teeth missing and probably some nasty infections...that's how horrors end.
A final thought...although I am a huge lover of all things horror I seriously struggle with scenes of rape. To me seeing arms hacked off or lips sewn to butts is so ridiculous that it's fun. But those graphic rape scenes (ie. 'The Hills Have Eyes II) are just not necessary.
Um, that's it for my late night rambling.

Human Centipede

Ok people, let's do this. Let's really get into a movie where you aren't sure whether to laugh, throw up, or simply marvel at human creativity. So let's just do this and be proud that we have seen something new in the world of horror.
It doesn't take much to guess from the name and the lovely poster we have here to get that the premise of this one is the whole crazy scientist guy. "Nothing new there Miss Whore." That's right, it's a common theme. Also the crazy scientist preys on American tourists that can't get cell phone reception out in the woods. "Still sounds pretty run of the mill Miss Whore." Yep, and he even drugs them and they wake up tied to creepy hospital beds in his basement. "Sounds like I've seen this one before." Then he explains that he's going to sew the victims together. "Duh, that's why I'm watching Human Centipede." He attaches them mouth to anus by pulling out their teeth, attaching the lips to the anus and sewing the butt skin onto the face. "Right he sews them togeth....wait wait what?" Yep, you heard me right. I know, you're trying to decide right now if that's the funniest effing thing you've ever heard or just disturbing. Trust me, when the first one finally has to go, um, #2 it's not pleasant. The three victims have to coordinate movement to get anywhere obviously. Fitting into a snug elevator is out of the question. Going through a rotating door, don't even think about it. I don't want to give away the end but suffice it to say that you are left thinking 'huh, I have never appreciated not having someone sewn to my butt until this moment.'
So, for the ratings...There is some gore obviously but not a ton. I've seen more when watching 'Life in the ER' on TLC. There are a couple shots of topless girls, but you have to get by the whole face sewn to someone's butt to notice. When I started it I was scoffing at the acting and by the end I didn't notice because everyone's face was sewn to a butt. The cinematography was forced but I stopped noticing that once I saw faces sewn to butts. I am at a loss to rate this one...um how about 'B' for butt! That works for me.

Nightmare on Elm Street 2010

I went into this one with pretty low expectations. How can you possibly hope to recreate a classic? I know, I know...Rob Zombie pulled it off with Halloween but this is different. I don't know if it was my low expectations or if the film is just pretty good, but I wasn't dissapointed. First of all, it didn't try to totally remake and update every concept like so many remakes do. The inverse is that it wasn't the same movie minus the mullets but plus cell phones. I believe it did Freddy justice. They made him much more burn victim looking and a little creepier. He still donned his striped sweater and was able to make an enormous amount of sparks by scraping his blades along pipes...classic. There are a few scenes that take you back to the original and I appreciate that.
So let's get down to it. It's decently gorey. There's definitely a good amount of blood and general slicing. Heck, at one point she's swimming in blood. There are not really any guts or innards if you're into that. The scripting...not complex but why would it be? The cinematography...nothing to get excited about. But again, it doesn't have to be. That's always just a wonderful added bonus. All in all I think this one gets an A-. It's fun, it's bloody and it's always Freddy.

A Perfect Getaway

Last night I had some time to myself so I curled up with my knitting, my bichon frise and a scary movie. There aren't a lot of options On Demand right now so I thought I would try this one out. Turns out it wasn't really a horror but more of a suspense/thriller. Still, I thought it merited a quick review.
It's tough for me to go into much detail without spoiling the film and honestly that would ruin the whole thing. The setting is beautiful (Hawaii). The actors are pretty good. The surprise ending is fun. The blood and guts factor is very low. The end.

Daybreakers

Written and directed by the Australian Spierig Brothers, Daybreakers is a vampire movie set in not so distant 2019. The movie does a great job at setting up a world that has been completely dominated by vampires. These are live in a cave, hang upside-down, wear a cape type of vampires. These are go to work, gotta make a living type of vampires. They drink blood coffee, go to blood bars and have a nice stiff blood drink in a chinky glass with ice at the end of the day. The problem...they are running out of humans to harvest the blood from. As the vampires begin to starve they transform into the crack head version of a vampire.

I need to pause here for a moment. Typically I have to struggle to get a paragraph of plot in a horror film. It tends to be this guy had a bad childhood, he's mad, he kills people, the end. Daybreakers actually has a relatively intricate plot that involves a portion of your brain to work. To explain the entire plot would be lengthy, which is surprisingly refreshing, but not totally necessary.

So, Edward (Ethan Hawke) doesn't like being a vampire and wants to find a cure. He, along with the amazing Willem Dafoe, comes up with one. The bad vampire doesn't want the cure because he's found a way to profit. Edward's brother helps. Blah Blah Blah and it ends.

My thoughts: This was a good horror flick. It had lots of blood, some guts and quite a few limbs that flung free from their bodies. People/bat things were burned up heads were ripped off and a nurse gets thrown up on. Seriously, what else do you need? There was a beautiful scene shot in slow motion at the end of soldiers ripping each other to pieces...literally. If you look closely you can see a torso fly into the air and then a couple of arms...it was beautifully disgusting. Also, the vampires explode like a bugs bunny cartoon when they are staked in the heart. That rocks!

All in all I would happily give this film an B+ as far as horror films go. Fun for the whole family...well, maybe not the whole family :)