Teeth

Um, I loved this film. There it is, I've said it. Once you read on you may call me a feminist harpy but I can handle it.

Teeth is the story of a young girl who is an inspiration in the world of promise rings. She has vowed to remain pure and honestly intends to. It isn't until she finds herself in a compromising situation where we once again learn the importance of 'no means no' that we discover her hidden talent. That's right...I'm going to call it a talent. Her good china is all set up with it's own set of teeth. Yep, her cha cha has it's own set of chompers. Her hoo ha is....I think I've run out of them. He runs off screaming while his Nathan's Original stays on the ground. So, as any smart person would do she decides to go to a gynecologist who makes the tragic mistake of taking advantage of her and finds his fore digits (and I actually mean his digits this time) on the floor.

I don't want to give it all away, but she does learn to control her 'talent'. She kind of goes from a pure virgin to a whorish man stick eater. That was just fun to type.

The movie did a really good job of mixing a good story with something weird while making it funny enough that you keep watching. She has a complete switch of personality and it's a fun journey that you take with her. I feel like there was a lot of subtle imagery that's fun to analyse and the acting was pretty good. So, I proudly give this film an A, and not just because her hot pocket kicks ass.

The Last Exorcism

The Whores got together this week and went to The Last Exorcism. It actually got decent reviews and there hadn't been a good horror out in a while.
The movie is shot as if a documentary crew of 2 people is following around a preacher. So be warned that if the whole hand held camera thing makes you ill, this isn't the movie for you. Cotton, the preacher, is the subject of the documentary and he is a great preacher and exorcist that doesn't really believe in God or the Devil anymore. He acknowledges that he simply has a talent for showmanship and wants to reveal the illusion that an exorcism is.
He goes out to a farm where the daughter is killing all of the livestock. To summarize quickly he fakes an exorcism everyone is happy. Girl gets worse, everyone is scared. Girl bends backward and talks weird, everyone is like 'huh?'. Preacher calls in local pastor to take over, blah blah blah, last minute twist and we're out.
The best word to describe the film was 'frustrating'. It had a lot of potential that it ultimately didn't live up to. the first two thirds of the movie focuses on Cotton and his life. It's only in the last third of the movie that anything scary happens. The twist at the end literally takes place in the last 10 minutes and just leaves you feeling more 'huh' than 'wow'. And you know that cool shot you see in the previews or even in the poster I have attached with all of her joints bent backwards...never happens. There is only one good possessed scene and I was bummed that it didn't include any vomit or inappropriate crucifix usage.
When I asked a fellow Horror Whore their thoughts on it the next day, she said "it wasn't scary enough and there wasn't enough blood." Then we remembered that it was only PG-13 and that is typically a Whore no-no. I must remind you though that Paranormal Activity was able to work with that.
OK, focus...so in short...it just wasn't nearly as scary as it had the potential to be. The cinematography wasn't special, the sound wasn't great. I give it a rating of C- because at least it was entertaining.