Hmmmmm….I watched this last night. I thought “Hey, it’s October, I should watch all the scariest, creepiest, horroriest movies I can this movie.” I was genuinely looking forward to this one. Well, I’m going to burst all of your bubbles and tell you that not only did it not live up to my expectations but it completely insulted me as a horror fan.
The movie starts by showing a creepy little guy watching the first movie. So its set up that the first one was a film and this second villain is going to try to make it happen for real. The new bad guy isn’t’ happy with the idea of just 3 people he wants to make it a 12 person centipede. So the first 2/3rds of the movie is him collecting all of these victims. The last 1/3rd is him creating the centipede. First of all, it’s stupid because you’re just repeating the movie over again. There is absolutely nothing clever about it AT ALL. The first one was gross but at least you were left thinking “that is completely new information.”
The second problem I had was that they decided to take out any plot and just replace it with the most offensive and disgusting images you can think of. For example…this time one of his victims is pregnant, or he doesn’t ‘seal up’ the connections as well so when he shoots them all up with laxatives poop literally is flying in so many directions it hits the camera; or how about the detailed snipping of the knee tendons. I was so ticked off that they thought that would work on me that I wasn’t even sickened by it….I was just mad. I started fast forwarding after the 2nd ‘surgery’ because it was pathetically gratuitous.
The third problem was the main character didn’t have a single line; not a peep, not even a ‘hey’ or a ‘whah?’ Wow, that’s some great script writing there guys, give the main character of the movie no depth whatsoever and don’t worry about developing any plot either.
Geez, I’m just pissed about the whole thing I guess. Here’s the thing, the first one was gross, it was tasteless and it was gratuitous; but it was clever and new. It sold itself as a horror. This movie would have maybe made a descent slasher but just didn’t deliver on any aspect.
It wasn't written well, it wasn't filmed particularly well, the only good thing I can say is that they appropriately cast a creepy looking guy. I hated this movie. I really hated it. I can’t even rate it.
I thought it would be fun to see this movie opening weekend so that I would be in a theater of screamers to get the whole bone chilling experience. This was a mistake. Instead I was in a theater of giggly teenagers who talked through the whole thing and added words like boner and booger. Let it be known although it not be writ that I will not do that again. Therefore this movie receives an ‘I’ for incomplete until I can see it again in a better environment.
In general TV seems to be better than movies these days. I don’t know if its that they’re given the ability to develop a story over weeks rather than minutes or if the talented writers have simply jumped ship and headed to cable. Either way, I would like to thank those involved in The Walking Dead. I love this show because I love brain eating, blood drooling, foot dragging zombies. I mean come on, they’re undead and they’re awesome. They’re mean and aggressive yet lazy and stupid and I have a certain love for the little guys.
This October marks the beginning of the second season of this show and I am still really happy I’m on the zombie train. I really think the vampire trends come and go (wait..I’m a huge Trueblood fan too so that one doesn’t fade). Werewolves are just ok. But zombies….they’re just classic. They can be comedic or terrifying.
The Walking Dead focuses on a world were zombies have taken over and groups of people ban together to stay alive. It’s that simple. You can play it out from there. The main difference is the tension and intelligence in the story. I confidently give this series an A.
American Horror Story is a show on FX that started at the beginning of this month. The previews leading up to it were freaking amazing and thus I watched the show. They hyped it up so much that I had pretty big expectations. The great thing is that I feel like my expectations were met with great success. It airs pretty late at night so they get away with a little nudity, a little sex and a lot of creepiness. These, as you know, are important horror qualities.
The premise of the show is a family trying to repair itself moves to a new state, new house, new environment. You find out that over the years there have been countless murders, suicides and bloody incidents in the home thus leaving it crowded with made juju.
I really enjoy the actors in this one. They don’t have the typical ditsy, screaming blond but at the same time the mom has her weakness. It breaks a lot of social rules and skirts the boundaries of icky.
All in all I really like this show. It is honestly like sitting through a mini horror movie each week. Honestly it’s better than a lot of the movies we’ve been to…I give an A
I have been really anticipating the arrival of this film due to the involvement of Guillermo Del Toro. His ability to mix nightmarish creatures with childhood fantasy is really interesting. So I literally spent weeks trying to coordinate the Whores to see this movie. Finally today we ascended the Cinemark steps and sat in our sticky, squeaky chairs to partake in some fright.
The film is about a little girl who goes to live with her father that lives in an old historic house. In case you don’t watch enough scary movies, this is always a bad start. If it’s an old house with a ‘history’ don’t move in unless you enjoy rooms filled with flies and walls that bleed (see Amityville Horror for reference). Needless to say things don’t go well. The little girl finds herself talking to ghoulish creatures that progressively become more aggressive and downright mean. They cut up clothing, stab the help and cause overall havoc. They have one fear…bright light. They remind me a little bit of the evil Gremlins without the catchy one liners.
After an obligatory library scene where the heroine discovers the history of the home the creatures (which turn out to be fairies) turn it up a notch and try to kill everyone in the house. Without giving away the whole thing I will say that at least the film didn’t wrap up with a nice little bow at the end.
So the review….I’m sorry to say it was pretty bad. Katie Holms does a pretty good job as does Guy Pearce, but the little girl bugged me. She had weird teeth. The acting and script were done well enough that I watched the whole movie without really realizing how dumb it was until the end. I don’t know exactly what I didn’t like, it just felt hokey. It was filmed well, edited well, had good sound, etc. but in the end was disappointing. I’m going to have to give the film a flimsy thumb down and grade it with a D-
